Today... is the only day that matters. Make it fucking count.

I gave up sugar seven days ago, and only today when I woke up did I realize just how bad the shit is for you.

Last night I decided that since I had been doing so well, that I would reward myself and have a soda. I didn’t go to the store and find a good stevia soda, or even a zero. I drank a large Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. FAIL.

Here I am an hour and a half before work, completely mystified and confused. Attempting to figure out why I am so. I remember eating tortilla soup from Qdoba, that’s where the amazing freestyle soda machine was found. I stopped to get the tortilla soup because upon looking it up on CalorieKing I found that their tortilla soup only had 1g of sugar , but as I began to walk out the door I saw the freestyle machine. The only thing I can compare it to is cravings I had when I was getting sober off narcotics. The machine was shiny, sparkling and had everything I wanted in a beverage. Usually the Dr.Pepper is out, but it was not this time I said the hell with it...”I’m doing so well” I said to myself “ “this is only one soda” , “how much harm could it do?” Well, folks let me tell you it did some harm.

I ate the soup, and drink the Dr. Pepper, like it was the best damn thing I ever had, all 32oz of the crap. Coincidentally I watched the movie the Meg, it’s about the Megaladon shark. I found it funny since I was breaking my #nosugar routine , throwing caution to the wind and devouring what ever the hell I wanted to eat/drink.

It’s not so funny now.

I crashed . I crashed hard. I passed out, without blogging, taking my vitamins, washing my face or brushing my teeth. I will tell you right now I ALWAYS brush my teeth, but I didn’t this time.

Upon my alarm going off for the fifth time, it came to my attention that it was way passed 8:00am, I guessed that maybe I didn’t hear it? When I fully awoke I still had my dreams weighing on me. I had the dream that I couldn’t even function, my body was unavailable to perform remedial tasks, or even carry on a conversation ( in the dream ). I got up a immediately hopped in the shower, I had to wash the funk that had become my life in the past eight hours off of my poor unassuming body.

I began to feel a little better, and was able to get clean, dressed and decided to have a small glass of Orange Juice.

As soon as the OJ hit my system I had a revelation... it was a REAL sugar crash.

Here my body had been free of sugar for seven days. SEVEN DAYS, and what did I do?? I poured poison right back into it, like a junkie on methadone. I hopped right on the train to sugarland and didn’t look back. What a FOOL.

If I have any advice on this adventure that I have embarked on, it is to sick to the program. 12 step or not, recovery from any fixation is possible, it’s just not easy. To remove something from your body, that your body sees as poison is admirable, and takes a constant control, strength, perseverance. We fall. We fuck up. The key is to get up, no matter how bad you feel, how bad your head hurts (which is worse than the no/sugar headache) no matter how much you want that evil, fast answer to your craving and say NO! I do not need you.

I should have done that last night.

I didn’t.

I did however get up today, hurting and cranky. Ashamed and full of remorse, not just for how my body feels but for how I had to start over from square one.

I’ve got this though, one day at a time right, every second in every moment is a chance to turn it all around.

See you tonight my lovelies

As always Be Well♥️

Wonder