Blog 12:16

Ok so I skipped a day. I am going relatively well for having not been blogging AT ALL. However that is body me, pacifying myself. Today is different though, I realized I missed it. I adore having this place, intrinsic work. Like a puzzle piece waiting to be found in a pile. I am on fire. Worth that being said I have decided I want my writing to help someone. Anyone it can really. My therapist had me look into my enneagram, a tool for the discernment of personality types. I am a type 1. The perfectionist, the Emperor, The Advocate, The Performer. If you do not know your enneagram I highly suggest you find out what you are working with in a personality. The enneagram Institute (https://www.enneagraminstitute.com) Is an awesome source. Very thorough and well organized this website sells the test for 12.00$ USD. There are free ones , however this one is most excellent.

Back to me, ha ha, not really but yes. I am a type one, according to their website, “Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.

Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective

Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced

Enneagram One with a Nine-Wing: "The Idealist"

Enneagram One with a Two-Wing: "The Advocate"

Key Motivations: Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.”

So that explains my want to help right? My want to help catalyst the change in others the way I have changed mine. You’ know I do concentrate, a lot. I didn’t begin meditating till I was 32, really. I may have done yoga, or reflected in a writing class but to B actually fit the fuck down and avoid all thought. That didn’t come till way later. I’m 40 now, and have this new way of processing things. It took so much patience. Patience that I could have cultivated as a young woman.

Now, I am a stubborn woman. I am hard headed as a mule, my grandmother used to tell me. My picture is in the dictionary never too the wordsrebel and sarcastic. I came into this world abs before I was two My life built into a hell storm. (Stories for a later time) When I hit adolescence it was the late 80’s early 90’s. The 90’s are frequently recalled as a decade of comparative serenity and wealth: The Soviet Union was lost, stoping the decades-long Cold War, and the new magic of the Internet escorted in an awesome new time of transmission , trade and entertainment. As Bob Dylan famously wrote,

“ Come mothers and fathers

Throughout the land

And don't criticize

What you can't understand

Your sons and your daughters

Are beyond your command

Your old road is rapidly agin'

Please get out of the new one

If you can't lend your hand

For the times they are a-changin'”

The times charged and so did I . The new millennium hit and all was different again. I was stepping in my own will, Learning to be someone in an in-authentic world. I stayed my path for treacherous terrain and violent waters. The story of the great changes continues…