Blog 12:14

I’m completely obsessed with the show the crown. If you don’t already know it is a show that is a Netflix original, it is set in the timeframe between when Queen Elizabeth became queen up in till the mid 90s. I have never really been as interested in British drama as I am now. I think the reason I’m so attracted to the show is how the directors convey the lack of privacy a family has. This intern leads to some of the characters not being able to be very authentic. I think it’s like the third or maybe fourth season in one of the episodes prince Philip says something to the queen of the nature, “Your lack of self knowledge is breathtaking“ I lost it when he said that to her.

It’s brings me to my topic of today’s blog. Or I guess you can say tonight‘s flag. There’s so many things in the show the crown that make me want to be a more real person. Like Margaret Sacher for crying out loud, she was just who she was and was a pretty serious bad ass at it if you ask me. Queen Elizabeth herself had to really become a different type of animal in order to be the head of a monarchy, that had to be a shit show. Her sister however princess Margaret is an absolute answer to all the things that I want to know about the royal family. It makes me want to be my authentic self regardless of what others think.

I attempt on a regular basis to be more myself than I have ever been. This is really difficult, I was having a conversation with a close confidant earlier tonight about being authentic. You can choose when you want to be real or when you want to be awake about it a subject. Sometimes I just can’t be really “woke“ that as I want to be. If you don’t like football why would you want to know what the real real was about football. In all actuality authenticity is just knowing the reality of how things really are in a given situation. I’ve come to realize recently that the majority of people I encounter on a regular basis don’t live in reality. Reality has become insanity it’s a pretty sad effect that society has on humanity. I grew up thinking that if I was pretty enough or I could kiss someone the correct way I could have whatever I wanted. When in fact that just isn’t me. I’m so much more than my exterior, I’m so much more than my body my luxe my figure my eyes and mouth. So many really attractive people are more than those things and I’m sure people are going to want to negate the fact that I shouldn’t complain, but I have every right to complain as much as the next person. I’ve been an anorexic in recovery for the majority of my wife my eating disorder began when I was in my early teenage years I’m about 5859 and heels I’m almost 6 foot sometimes I come off as kind of a string bean really I don’t have a whole lot of curve my whole family is built like that, and for the basis of this topic in conversation that I’m about to get on my soapbox about my whole family is not a very set of big people. I recently went to a funeral, I’ve been going to a lot of those and having to witness a lot of those lately. Upon leaving the funeral I went outside where everyone was smoking chatting it up.

The topic came about Christmas presents how weird the weather had been and somehow we got on the topic of getting the wrong things in the mail and ordering things from wish I think everybody’s ordered something from Wes. I commented on how you never get it on time, someone commented on it being the wrong thing. I made the slight comment that when it comes from China the size always seems to be too small and if that was strange that everyone else thought Americans were so big. I like to think I’m a pretty tall female however there was another female there that was taller than me and bigger than me and she looked straight at me and said oh most people in America are nowhere near as small as you you might be the exception. Here is she is not knowing anything about me not knowing what I fight night knowing how bad I feel about my Stick Figure Ness and she’s just gonna pop off like I may or may not be happy with the fact that I’m skinny. Listen here people just because I’m not fat doesn’t mean I don’t have issues, it also doesn’t mean that I haven’t been really morbidly obese before or not. I just think that people need to give people a real easy time these days and not judge somebody just by the way that they look dress or even portray themselves. I didn’t know who the fuck I was until I was probably 36 years old, I’m still going to continue to learn more about myself every day because I am a master of none. So I guess in this soapbox he kind of blog post I just hit a little bit of advice don’t go mouthing off about things that you don’t know about because you never know who you might offend a group of people specially when you don’t know those people. Everybody’s suffering from something just because my suffering isn’t your suffering doesn’t mean that it doesn’t equate to exactly the same fucking thing. This topic kind of irritates me a little bit so I think I’m a bit mouthy and out and on that note I hope everyone has a beautiful Tuesday and I look forward to talking to you tomorrow night. My kiddo sick so I’m gonna be home from work tomorrow working from home, that came out wrong. I should be able to do a pretty decent blog post tomorrow I want to talk about the filming that’s coming up and how I’m going to prepare for it. Good night