12:7

It’s time to just get real.. and I’m not exactly sure what that means sometimes. I was having trouble figuring out what I was gonna write about today because I’m attempting, only attempting, to be more consistent in my writing. I have quite a few ideas on a regular basis, I feel like I have ADHD when it comes to the thoughts in my head in relation to the books I want to write. Knowledge I want to share. I feel like I have so much knowledge to share but I don’t wanna seem conceited in sharing it, it’s not like I think I know more than anyone. I feel that I’ve come across certain things and I have the ability to convey certain types of information to people that may not gain that information any other way but to read it or maybe even listen to it. I think I make it into starting a podcast too but I don’t know much about it yet. I’m a pretty rational thinker and I could probably do some interviews that would knock some people socks off. I like talking about real things and getting people really vulnerable.

My hairdresser, who happens to also be a really good friend of mine told me that her partner makes extra cash on TickTock , just talking about things. Doing as I presume and talking about products. I would really like to be able to help people in recovery more and although I hate social media, I feel it might be a way to connect with people on a different level. I push so hard against social media and connecting with people in a way I found so robotic and plasticine. There’s this really amazing video, it’s a music video. One of my favorite bands “ A Perfect Circle” made a song. *Disillusioned* , i’m pretty sure that’s the name of the song. The video opens and dark rooms, with people up against corners, crouched down, staring at bright screens with no light around them… no one’s talking, it kind of looks like a trap house . I’ve seen plenty of trap houses. All the sudden one person separates from the grotto of islands and starts to realize that there’s something going on, something ominous something dark. The lyrics to the song are very telling of the story. It’s unfortunately a story we all know I’ve today. Disconnection, compartmentalization, disassociation and that “everything now“ syndrome I like to say everybody has, that’s another really great song by Arcade Fire. The video continues to portray a very hollow vacant obsessed type of mood. Then willingly a young girl finds her way out into what is seemingly nature in the rain with trees and grass it’s a pretty hunting video if you ever get the chance to watch it, it brings tears to my eyes every time.

So with that being said the consistency I’m trying to pull through his consistency of being on my social media more and connecting more on a level with people even though I don’t want to connect with people through technology more, than physical connection. I really believe in healing through physical connection, touch and meaningful conversation. I find that very difficult to have through technology or social means. However that’s not how people communicate today, and no matter how bad I wanna lock myself in my house with my house phone, my landline with my really long curly cord that drags across the living room floor into the kitchen. I wish I had a landline, I will when I buy a house and I will only use my cell phone when I need to be out of my house. Sorry for that side note. I just really don’t like being tethered to something 24 seven. Society is not like that though , society craves the attention and the constant need for validation. As depressing as it is it makes me realize that I need to put myself out there more, I need to pay attention and not be such a recluse. I need to not just sit back and write books, I need to communicate and learn from others.

I can’t promise that my daily blogs are going to be always grammatically correct 100%. I really can’t stand reading what I wrote without giving myself time and space. We’ll see how it goes as time goes by hopefully the grammar is good enough for people to read, and want to continue to read my blog. I want to help people disconnect and in order to help people disconnect might have to connect with them on a level that they understand better than I do, and unfortunately in order to reach the youth I’m going to have to be online. I can’t ever imagine somebody 20 years or younger wanting to reach out via snail mail or even look at their mail that they get in their mailbox. There is an art to writing letters, I love to write letters. I’m actually starting some letters to make amends pretty soon, I hope those things work out I’ll let you know later. I made some real mistakes in my past and need to clean up my act some more in order to be a real person since were talking about being real. I start with this topic because when I get stuck I read topic cards and the topic card for tonight was, hold on I have to actually look it up…” what are the topics that interest you most?”

I have to say what interests me most is anything that has to do with advocacy for marginalized groups, I love writing about sexuality, I love writing about writing, I’m a very existential thinker so I can go way out there if I ever really want to, however sometimes people don’t follow that shit so easily. The last thing I wanna do is lose a reader because I go too far off the mark, I try to keep things relatively light unless I need to be heavy. When I write about animal rights or feminist causes sometimes I get really dark and heavy I will straight up say I’m sorry in the beginning of an essay or blog or whatever it may be just so people know I’m not trying to particularly offend anybody.

It is Tuesday night the new moon has occurred and there’s a lot of crazy energies going on right now. I’m not gonna get into any type of astrological aspect talk, I’m learning a lot about that right now, tomorrow is Wednesday and I plan on doing some tarot card work. I think I might do that Taro card work once a week I’m not sure if I’m gonna post anything about it or not however if things get interesting I’ll be sure to write about it because one of the things I like to write about the most in this blog is about things that have some seemingly magical facets to them. I love things that sparkle and glisten . I love when I can close my eyes and taste something when someone describes it to me. I have learned in my life recently that to sit down and actually breathe and experience life is pretty fucking magical. There’s so many small things I used to take for granted and now I am just absolutely enamored by the way my life is continuing to unfold. I would never have thought in 1 million years that I would be romantically involved in my own life, that I would be in love with somebody and have love in my life that I believe that I deserved. The real in and out, the real black and white, the real right and wrong. My 13-year-old wanted to know and talk about authenticity and being real. She thinks I’m pretty real when I asked her what made me real she said how honest I was and how I told things how they were. I could only hope that I set an example that’s worth following. I’m not sure what the topic is for tomorrow I might tell you one day and I might not another day the consistency is in the daily blog not what they are about. I’m also in the process of writing a fiction book that’s at least 15 chapters a poetry book which I’m almost finished with and a book of letters to my 13-year-old. I’ve got a lot going on but I’m gonna try to get all of this together and get it all out there it’s a passion let’s see what happens.