7/18/2021: Infinity and Beyond.

I thought for a long time about making a conscious effort to do a post around the same time of day and on the same day every week. I’m just gonna be real honest these things are really hard to commit to Especially for someone who is non-committal as I am. I’ve committed to very few things in my wife Yoga Buddhism, my dog Nala Grace, my wife and my daughter . Those were my choice everything else that I’m committed to is truly because I have a habit of unconditionally loving.

This past week was a very trying time for me. As some of you know I’ve been in recovery for over 17 years, and since my current relapse I have a little over three years sober since March 18, 2018. The pandemic helped my recovery exponentially, being an extreme introvert it assisted me to be able to meet people via the Internet instead of in person. It has made me more apt to go and meet people in person that I’ve already met online, which has helped me fellowship in Waze I never thought possible.

All of these things have made it possible for me to even think about committing to doing something that I am extremely passionate about, however extremely fearful as well. I’ve never been as honest as I am when I write today, in past years I would write to cater to people and I can still do those things but I feel like I should be giving my honest self when I write my blog, buck or anything that I put my whole heart into.

I like Sundays because I have time to think about the week that has happened in the week that is to come some people in their weeks on Sundays and some people forget them so I just kind of take the middle Road and look at both sides of the week. As I said before I learned a lot this week, I have the ability to see inside a window of one of my friends lives that I never thought I could ever bear witness. My mind was filled with disappointment combined with amazement at the fact that I have remained this blind for so long.Blindness came from wanting to avoid a situation they say ignorance is bliss I would agree in the situation because when I found out the truth of the matter my heart genuinely broke into pieces.

Her story is not mine to tell so I won’t get into that, I will however tell you that because of the choices I’m making today I’m not going off the deep end myself. Deeply peaking, the Marcus Aurelius quote above details just how life truly works. My favorite line in the quote is “by comprehending the scale of the world”….

let’s just take a few moments to think about that. My mind truly becomes overwhelmed when I recognize in a moment how small minded are used to be. How the thoughts in my mind I only stayed within certain boundaries, and how I said off of others ideas like it was food for my soul. Today I learned something I learned that if I listen and actually heat others advice it may just be the advice I needed.

I wanted to give my friend advice this week, I wanted to tell her how to do things I wanted to fix manage and control the whole situation. I didn’t get my way and as my grandmother often tells me no we don’t always get our way but we should always remember that the things that we do get now are things that many people will never see in their lifetime.

I never thought my friend would see this type of actualization in her lifetime. It was very much like watching a mountain fall, only hoping to be built up again. There is true beauty and distraction even if it’s in within oneself. Learning how to build off of your negative qualities is some thing I’ve learned in my adulthood or at least what I can call in adulthood. I only hope that she realizes the gift that she has received in this horrible happening is the best thing that she could get in this desperate time of need.

The Sunday blogs may get longer I’m going to see how often I can keep up with the Sunday ones for sure, sometimes I get kind of frisky and block during the week. I write consistently all the time and attempt to stay on the paper and outside my head. I I wish for health, happiness and safety for everyone.

May the force be with you

♥️Wonder Sampson